Respectful performance management
(Context: This is a tough topic — stressful, emotional, and usually only discussed in whispers. I’m sharing my approach because it’s one of the most frequent questions I hear from both managers and employees going through it. My hope is to make the process feel more concrete, and offer a reminder that performance management is a normal part of work. It’s not a judgment of someone’s talent or a reflection of worth — just whether they fit a specific role today.)
Performance management is hard, no matter what side you’re on.
When you’re receiving feedback that you’re not meeting expectations, it can feel shocking, unfair, or overwhelming — especially when you’re worried about what losing a job could mean for the other parts of your life. When you’re the one giving feedback, you second-guess yourself and wonder if you’re doing the right thing. And for both sides, the process is isolating: it’s hard to even talk about, even though it’s one of the most emotional parts of work.
But the truth is, this process is normal. Every experienced manager has had to deliver tough performance feedback. Every experienced employee has had to hear it.
Here are 6 principles I keep in mind when I’m going through the process as a manager.
1. Focus on the role match. Performance management isn’t about deciding whether someone is “good” or “bad.” It’s about whether their strengths match the requirements of a particular role at a particular time. Part of my job as a manager is to do people the service of recognizing their strengths and whether they match up to the job today. Remembering this helps me deliver feedback that is clearer and more constructive while reflecting their strengths.
2. Gather complete information. If I have an inkling that someone is performing poorly, I can’t stop at my own general impression. I talk to close colleagues, past managers, and most importantly, the person themselves. I ask how they think they’re doing, make sure they’re hearing feedback directly from their peers, and share my concerns openly. Then we can work together on a plan to improve.
3. Own the judgment of how the person is performing. As a manager, I need to own the judgment call of what skills are needed in the job today and whether the person demonstrates them. It’s tempting to endlessly look for conclusive data — not just that the person isn't going to be successful today, but that they'll never be successful on the team. But I have to be clear about what the role requires right now, check for bias (is the feedback really about skills, or style?) and give the person a fair chance to show their skills.
4. Give clear feedback, and make sure their colleagues are too. Colleagues will often share negative feedback with a manager that they've never told the person directly, usually in an attempt to “be nice.” That’s the opposite of nice. It means people who are performing poorly won’t know how to get better or even know that there’s something wrong. And I have to do my part by being far more blunt than feels comfortable — for instance, writing in an email, “As we discussed, this performance is not what I’m looking for and we need to talk this week about whether this role is the right match for you.” Or I start a formal performance improvement plan. Anything else might be too vague to be useful.
5. Give the person a strong chance to show their skills. I give people 2 projects, one tactical and one strategic, to be done in the next ~4 weeks. I check in every week. In many cases, people just needed clearer feedback, and they turn out to be excellent at one or both of the projects. I love it when this happens.
6. Based on the evidence of the person’s skills, be courageous about the next step. If I’ve given the person the chance to show their skills, checked for bias, and it’s clear they’re not doing the job needed today, it’s better for everyone to make a change. Keeping someone in a role they can’t succeed in isn’t a kindness — they know they’re not performing well, the team feels frustrated, and performance slips all around.
Of course, looping in HR early has always helped me navigate these decisions fairly, whether I’m planning a formal performance management process or just at the beginning of giving hard feedback.
If you're going through these decisions, on either side of the process, I promise — you're not alone.
No part of this conversation is pleasant. But it's a normal part of work, and it doesn’t have to be cruel. Recognizing that the process is normal and okay, no matter which side I’m on, can help me be more constructive about how to handle it with clarity and respect.
Thank you for sharing this post. Sometimes it is indeed not the right fit and it is the manager’s job to navigate that. I agree it doesn’t do anyone good — the person, the team — to keep them on.
I wish there was accountability on the other side, too. Meaning there is sometimes leadership at companies that is atrocious. But there is little conversation on how certain founders/leaders at companies are incompetent at their role, lack clarity/direction, etc.
I’ve seen poor leadership result in top performers becoming jaded and disinterested — leading to poor performance.
I guess the one check is from the board. But I think board members hired the CEO to make a 20x return on their investment — as long as the numbers are doing that, they don’t care.
I’m surprised that after putting the person on a mini-PIP (giving them a strategic and tactical project) that they improve. From what I have seen — so many things had happened already to lead up to that point that it just seems impossible for anyone to come out of it in good terms.
Another step is to ask yourself if you are at fault for the person's struggles (as the manager). are you failing to provide what they deserve from you ? sometimes one employee will be more sensitive than others and seems like the problem but all the team members could be suffering from the manager's lapses. So many managers cut corners on one-on-ones or don't tailor management style to each team member or support their learning, etc.