An introvert’s 3 secrets to networking

I hate networking. The entire idea of it makes me shudder a little. I always imagine myself walking into a room full of people I don’t know, standing in the corner by myself, and looking uncomfortable as everyone else chats happily in tight little groups. (Can you tell I’m an extreme introvert?)

But building relationships with people around the industry has been an important part of succeeding in my career. How else could I learn about new opportunities, find the right people to hire, understand how other companies solve problems, and even just have people to vent to when things are weird?

As an introvert, a few tricks have helped me build a solid network.

1. Use common work tasks like recruiting to build relationships. Whenever I’m hiring for an amazing role, I reach out to lots of people saying, “I know you’re probably happy where you are, but it would be great to meet and get to know each other for the future.” After chatting, they might end up interested in the role, or in a future role down the line. In the process I meet a bunch of great people around the industry.

   
   Or if someone incredible reaches out to me for a role I’m not interested in, I say, “I’m not looking for a new role right now, but I’ve heard great things about you and would love to build a relationship for the long-term.” Not everyone accepts, but it’s been surprising how many relationships have come out of this.

   
   Cross-group collaborations are another great opportunity — it’s nice to take a pause and sit down with my counterpart on another team to build a “peacetime relationship”, even in the midst of difficult negotiations.
   

2. Set “talk with new people” goals for myself. If I’m feeling uncomfortable at an event, I’ll take a breath and think, “I’m going to talk with 12 new people before I leave.” This might sound corny or even forced, but it gives me a good push to start chatting with people, and usually I’ll get so caught up in conversations that I forget all about that goal. If I’m hosting a dinner, I’ll ask people to swap seats between courses so we can all meet more new people.
   

3. Excuse myself gracefully from conversations. It’s tempting to stay in a conversation forever once it’s rolling, but one goal of networking is to meet new people. So it’s been helpful to get comfortable excusing myself after a good chat with, “Great to meet you, I’m going to mingle a little.” Often someone else will respond, “Good idea, I’ll do the same.” After all, we're all there to meet new people.
   

The most important thing has been to think about networking differently — not something inauthentic and transactional, but a way to build relationships with people who are interested in the same things I am. Will every new connection turn into a meaningful work relationship or new close friend? Of course not. But some will, and I’ll definitely run into many of the same people again in my career — so why not make friends, and make work more enjoyable?