How to stop getting interrupted (aka, turn the worst offenders into the best defenders)

“I have an idea here,”  I said.  “If we choose 5 of our largest customers to pilot a new program with—” 

“I totally agree!” a colleague jumped in. “If we can build a new program for big customers, we’ll learn so much!”

I sighed.  I was constantly being interrupted by this particular colleague.  They were well-meaning and enthusiastic, but just didn’t realize their interruptions hurt.  I found myself less likely to talk when I couldn’t finish my thought — and worse, those interruptions affected the confidence of other participants in the meeting, who gradually spoke up less and less.

I was lucky — my manager always redirected the conversation back to me whenever I was interrupted with a simple “Ami, I’d like to hear the rest of that thought.”  But what could I do when my manager wasn’t in the room?  My frequently-interrupting colleague clearly didn’t see how their interruptions impacted people, and I was worried that they wouldn’t react well to direct feedback so early in our relationship.

In desperation, I finally pulled them aside.  

“You know,” I said.  “I’ve gotten feedback that there’s a lot of interruptions in these meetings that make people feel worried about speaking up.”  

“Really??” they asked.

“I know, it’s not what anyone wants. Could you monitor for interruptions and make sure that everyone finishes their thoughts?”

“Absolutely,” they said.

To my surprise, they immediately changed from one of the worst interruption offenders into a great defender — and I learned a new tool to change behavior when someone might not be ready to hear constructive feedback.

In a performance calibration session and a manager is inclined to constantly rate their team higher than other teams?  I enlist them to make sure no one shows managerial bias during the calibration conversation.

On a road trip and someone’s hangry but refuses to admit it?  I say, “Actually, I get hungry every few hours. Can you look for good spots to stop?”  The smell of fries wins them over every time.

People also use this on me. “You know, this team is working through major issues right now. Can you make sure everyone is patient with them?” someone said to me recently.  (Note:  I am extremely impatient.)  But after they said this, I found myself protecting the team’s space to get stuff done.

Of course, I’d generally rather give (and receive) direct feedback. That helps me understand how what I’m doing impacts others, and could help me find similar things to improve. 

But when that doesn’t feel accessible, whether it’s because of where we are in our relationship or where we are in the day (it’s hard to hear any feedback when you’re hangry), I’ve found that enlisting people as protectors of a cause helps them embrace that need for themselves.